Monday, 10 August 2009

• Worry

  I have been running on fumes for the past couple weeks. Paint fumes, gas fumes, the fumes of my own very dominable spirit. I've had this pervading sense of weariness... and wariness.

  I feel like things are calming down, settling in. This is good, but for some reason, I am ill at ease. Have you ever felt like you have come through a Storm into a time of relative calm only to find your Spider Senses still tingling "beware?" I don't think there is more struggle to come. I feel that God has delivered us, and blessed us, and we ought not worry; but I suffer from aftershocks.

  It's as though there is a gnome in my head shouting at my feminine intuition: "Don't let your guard down, Jamie! You can still struggle more! Suffer more! Just wait! You don't seriously think you can find PEACE in your life, do you?" I denounce this gnome as a nusance. And a false prophet.

  Even as I sit here, I have to check the furrowing of my brow, the tensing of my shoulders. But I hear two gentle voices echoing in my head. The first is the voice of my mother, from approximately two years ago when Ryan and I were first starting out on our own:

  "Jamie, when did you learn to be a worrier?"

  "Huh?"

  "Well, this isn't the first time in your life you've had to walk by faith. We've been doing it as a family since you were little. God always provides, and we can always trust Him. He is with you now, sees where you've been, and has planned out where you're going. Don't worry!"

  The second voice is that of our Lord and Savior:

  So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matt. 6:31-33

  Now that I think on it, I have been running on the fumes of last week's devotional times. I shall seek His kingdom, trust in His provision, and rejoice in His blessings.

  Currently Doomsday Book By Connie Willis see related

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